Here is a little narrative that I put together about a new character I just created (recently cleaned up for appropriateness for all ages.
The story of infamous James Bond
Jersey # 007
Former All-Star OutfielderCast of Characters:James Bond: Former all-star and grandfather
Bale Bond: James’ Grandson
Denshure Bond: James’ Granddaughter
Bale: Grandpa, did you really play major league baseball when you were younger?
Denshure: Yeah, did you really? Daddy said that you were really good way back in ancient times!
Grandpa James: Ancient times! I'm not THAT old! It was only back in the early 21st century when I started my career. That was back when you could buy gasoline for only $4 a gallon and a loaf of bread cost $2.
Bale: What is gasoline?
Grandpa James: That's not important. Do you really want to hear the story of my baseball playing days?
Denshure: Yes, Grandpa. Please tell us.
Bale: Yeah, we want to hear all about it.
Grandpa James: Ok, sit down and I'll get my scrapbook.
<rummages around his bookshelves...>
Grandpa James: Ah, here it is. Okay, it was the year 2006 and I was as young and spry as you. I had this crush on this girl who only fell for baseball players. Her name was Lucy and she had the prettiest eyes and her hair smelled like cinnamon. She was a looker back then! To gain her affection, I decided to give professional baseball a try. For a youngster, I was in pretty good shape and started off better than most of the other rookies on the AA team. I guess all of those games we played in the orphanage really paid off. During the tryouts, they graded my trajectory a 2 and I had F's in all other categories. The only thing that I had against me was some bad Baseball Sense that I picked up from my previous coaches but I got rid of that within a few weeks.
Bale: You got F's? Did that mean you failed the tryouts?
Grandpa James: No, Bale, those were just ratings for your skills. You could go from a G to an A, although A's were really hard to achieve and only the greatest players had those.
Denshure: Did you ever get to A's, Grandpa?
Grandpa James: We'll get to that later. I want to start from the beginning...
<the screen becomes wavy as the flashback starts>
Grandpa James: Me and my best buddy Marvin both tried out for the local farm team, the Green Apples. Marvin wasn't very good but he was decent enough to make the team. I think that they only put him on the team because of me. I think that they didn't want to upset their future star player so early on in his career.
Some of the other players on the team didn't think they were very highly of us. There was this catcher named Tom that was always putting us down and telling us how bad we were. He was very boastful of his skills, although he never made it out of AA.
Marvin and I had to sit the bench during our first game against the Wild Jokers. They were the reigning AA champions and my arch enemy, Jonathan, was their star pitcher. He was also interested in Lucy so I knew that I had to show him up to get her to like me better than him. I couldn't wait to face him but this wasn't the game that I would get to do that. We ended up losing that game 4-2 and Jonathan sure rubbed my nose in it! He always pretended like he couldn't remember my name although we went to 12 years of school together.
I was finally put into right field during our second game against the Guava Strawberries. Tom was so upset that me, Marvin, and this other new guy, Stittch, were in the starting lineup that he had this big confrontation with the GM. I'm surprised that the GM didn't can Tom’s over-rated butt right then and there but he was a bit of a screwball who knew very little about baseball.
Anyway, I was put in the lineup batting 5th. I came up with no outs in the 2nd inning and smacked the first pitch 390 feet over the center-field fence to score our first run. I also managed a single and a double during that game and drove in the scoring run to give us the 2-1 win. Tom and everyone else shut up about our playing after that game!
We proceeded through that season winning most of our games but losing a couple here and there. I was getting known for my hitting and the other teams were always wary when I came to bat. I consistently produced hits, mostly doubles and singles, and helped our team get to the championship game against Jonathan and the Jokers. My skills were quickly improving, thanks to dedicated workouts with the coach and the help of my teammates Frank and Stittch. Frank taught me about Broast Ball and Stittch helped me improve my baseball through Ninja training.
Bale: You were a ninja!
Grandpa: Be quiet Bale. Anyway, I took a lot of risks with my training, gambling my health for higher skills and eating lots of chocolate to be able to squeeze in as much practice time as I could in between games.
Bale: Did you use one of those gambling rings that I’ve heard about?
Grandpa: I said 'Be Quiet!' No, I never used a gambling ring. I was never patient enough or lucky enough to get one of those so I had to rely on Gambling Tickets that I bought to pay the entrance to the extra practices to improve my skills. I also stayed away from the ‘roids, unlike other players of the day. And, before you ask, I never went to that risky Dr. GoodJob for implants either.
Denshure: But you were so good you were probably making tons of money, right?
Grandpa: Heh he he. No girl, back then the minor leaguers was only making $100 a week! Nothing like the millions they make these days. In fact, I had to work part-time jobs doing taste-testing and buffalo hunting at a steak restaurant, serve customers at a hot dog stand, and later, during my triple-A days, I also worked as an assistant to a private investigator. That job paid really well but most of my jobs were hunting down this dog from this stupid lady who kept letting her candy-munching mutt slip away.
It was a good thing that gasoline was only $4 a gallon, and a loaf of bread was only...
Bale: Yeah, we know Grandpa. Bread was only $2 and a Big Mac only had two patties. We've heard all about it before.
Grandpa: So there I was, in the championship game against Jonathan. They had put my power-bat 3rd in the lineup by now. I came up in the 1st inning with two outs and smacked one deep into right field and managed a double. I was then batted in to score the first run for our team. We battled back and forth and were tied 3-3 when I came up to bat in the 8th with Marvin on first and two outs. They relieved Jonathan of his pitching duties when they saw me coming to the plate so I was now facing a fresh reliever straight out of the bullpen. He had a really great curve but a weak fastball. He snuck his curve into the lower inside corner for strike one. He got another curve into the upper right corner for my second strike (I still question the ump's call on that one!). He then pitched out a couple more to the outside, trying to bait me into swinging but I kept my eye on the ball and let them go by. Finally, he made the mistake of throwing his fastball down the middle and I smacked it into the cheap seats to put us ahead 5-3 where we remained for the win.
Jonathan was humiliated in front of Lucy and slugged away in defeat, both in baseball and in love. He was a talented player but his cockiness made him a reckless jerk. Of course, Lucy liked me even more after that game but by now I recognized that she was only interested in me because of my baseball talent, not for who I really was, and stopped seeing her. I decided that I was going to put off serious dating and marriage until I hit the big leagues although I did have a few dates with Lucy, this girl at the hot dog stand, and a doctor that always took care of my aches, pains, and insomnia.
After the big game we were waiting with great anticipation to find out if we were going to get promoted to the big leagues. I was being scouted pretty heavily and one day this scout came in and asked me to do some batting tests. I nailed three pitches out of the park for home runs as well batting a few doubles and singles. He rated my batting at a 49, well ahead of his measly 12 points he was hoping to see!
Finally one day the GM came into the locker room and announced that were promoted... to AAA. I was so disappointed that they didn't put me directly into the majors but took the news like a professional. I knew that I was better than half the people making the big bucks but accepted the fact that the organization wanted me to completely hone my skills for another year before facing off against the top players. Unfortunately, this promotion didn't come with a raise either so I still had to keep my piddly part-time jobs going.
By the time that I reached AAA my skills were evaluated like this:
Traj: 4
Contact: D (8)
Power: B (160)
Run: D (8)
Arm: D (8)
Fld: D (9)
Error Res: D (8)
The AAA GM wasn't much smarter than the AA and kept me on the bench during our first two games which we split one win, one loss. That move baffled me and I almost accepted a trade to the reigning AAA champs, the Galaxy Sharks. I found out the manager of the Sharks was my real Dad but just couldn't forgive him for sticking me in the orphanage so I stayed with the Golden Apples so that I could rub it in when we took home the championship. There was also this creepy player named Gil that kept sneaking into our training camp and taunting me. Stittch and I vowed that if we ever caught him again we would do the "ninja water-spider" all over his face. I guess he got wind of our plot because we stopped coming around after that.
Most of my Triple-A days were uneventful. I continued to practice, hunt down legendary cows, gamble for skills, and eat my booster chocolate, broast ball, and lots of steak for power.
The only things of real interest were when I was hunted down this criminal that was stalking around. I first ran into him when he had stolen a baseball glove from the same girl that kept losing her dog. On a side note, I later found out that she was really a ghost-dog herself which explains why she kept licking me and wanting to play fetch, but that’s beside the point.
I went out looking for the thief and Marvin came up to me and said that he was last seen to the east. Using my ninja senses, I determined that he would likely be traveling in a counter-clockwise direction so headed north. I hunted down the criminal and bush-whacked him. I knocked him down and threatened to ninja-chop his butt if he moved an inch. The police took him away in custody and the ghost-dog-girl thanked me profusely and gave me some cool stuff.
I guess the crook got off on a technicality because a few weeks later I saw a news report saying that he was on the loose again. I vowed to see that he was finally brought to justice and was off on the hunt again. This time, he was last reported on the lookout. When I got there, Stittch was also hunting him and said that he was heading to the south. Using reverse psychology, I determined that he would likely be heading in a clock-wise direction this time and easily caught up with him to the West. I hid in the bushes until I had a clear shot and then nailed him with a power-pitch to his head, knocking him out instantly.
The battle was on for the championship. We lost only one game during the regular season, to the Galaxy Sharks, which somehow placed us one game down from going to for the title. We HAD to win our last regular game of the season against... yep, you guessed it, the Galaxy Sharks. We had our work cut out for us. Stittch was acting strangely and the Galaxy Sharks were full of power batters.
Stittch got his act together and pitched a decent game, only giving up two runs. My power was really up by now though (245) and I managed to knock two out of the park for 4 RBI’s and also hit one off the right field wall for a double, while Terry also smacked out a solo. We easily won the game 5-2.
I went over taunt Gil a bit but he passed out from an injury that he was hiding. My Dad showed up and stopped me from kicking Gil while he was down and told me that Gil was really my brother. I really don’t know if I believe it or not; Gil looks nothing like me. Before I could question my Dad further about abandoning me, the Galaxy Sharks GM showed up and fired my Dad and Gil. Although I agreed with his decision to fire them, after all, they just lost to a really weak team (except for me), he was a real jerk about it so I threatened to ruin him in sports management forever.
Our final game for the championship was a tough one. Stittch was pitching and batting for the Galaxy Sharks 10x's better than he ever did for us and they had a bench full of power hitters who also made some amazing plays in the field. Luckily, our pitcher was also having a great game and had only given up a few hits. The score was still 0-0 when I came up to bat. I looked Stittch straight in the eye for a few moments to unnerve him a bit. I guess it worked, or he was just tired, because he through a bad pitch right across the middle of the plate into my power zone. I smacked that ball 485 ft for a solo homer that the fans are still talking about to this day. I heard recently that that ball sold on ebay for over a million to a collector. We managed to hold onto the lead through the remainder of that game for the 1-0 win and the championship.
Of course, I was easily promoted to the majors and would begin playing with the Oakland A’s in the fall. I had already gotten wind that I would be making $390,000 a year; quite a raise from $100 a week but still a small percentage of my worth to an organization.
By the time that I entered the majors my skills were nicely boosted up to this:
Trj: 4
Con: B (12)
Pwr: A (255)
Run: B (13)
Arm: C (11)
Fld: A (14)
Error Res: B (13)
I also had these skills: Contact Hitter, Hot Hitter, FirstBall Hitter, Power Hitter, Tough Out, Cannon Arm, Aggressive Run, Aggressive Field, and Good Sense.
I had hoped to be all A's when I entered the majors but without the gambling ring it just proved too difficult and expensive.
I tried to keep up with my old teammates but we quickly lost touch once I was traveling around with the A’s.
Here is the last I heard from my old teammates:
Marvin: After the championship game he professed that he was only playing baseball to study trajectory for the NASA space program. He was later the commander of the first space shuttle flight sent to colonize Mars and had everyone else calling him 'Chief'.
Stittch: That double-crossing ninja/spy tried pretending that nothing happened after we whipped him for the championship but I didn’t buy it. His last known whereabouts he was working for the Russian mafia.
Jonathan: Was forced to drop out of baseball because he couldn’t handle the stress. Later became an airline traffic controller and is taking it easy. Finally married his childhood sweetheart after courting her for 30 years.
Lucy: Had 17 kids from 17 different baseball players. Married Jonathan on her 50th birthday because he was the only guy that wanted her after she gained 300 pounds. They live in a trailer park in the Ozarks.
Terry: Passed away shortly after retiring from baseball. They retired his number in his memory and he was admitted to the Hall of Fame in 2021 once they cleared up the investigation into this steak protein abuse.
Rudy Fox (Scout): Died from polyester overdose.
Isabella: Trampled to death by a wild bull while trying to run away from a yapping poodle.
Will try to continue story on an MLB Life thread...
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Great job. 