Power Pros Forum

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em. Bobby Abreu is a Strangler

Bobby Abreu, the one that crushed the Stranglers and still lost, signed with the Stranglers on the first day, proving that he really wants to be a Strangler no matter what role he plays. Abreu is locked up for 3 years and $13,950,000 (13950 points) contract. This makes him the highest paid player on the team and he might not even start! He'll basically be Reg McLeary. As for McLeary, he is converting to third base.

Love Always,
Harry Jones

Can I be the agent for Prior?

I want Abreu.

dish you now represent Techer and Prior.

Test you get Jagger and Abreu.

Dish, you can have a second player if you want.

Kennedy glares.

I'll be good.

Okay. Prior's contract is the longest on the team too.

Reporter Update

Vitale: The Palestra's rockin' baby!

The Saint Joe's Hawks had just beaten Villanova in 3 OT. It was a great game, perfect for a Big 5 rivalry matchup. The problem was, Dick was late for the broadcaster's convention.

Dick: Can you cover for me, Dan?

Dan Schulman: It's gonna cost ya...

But Vitale had already left.

MEANWHILE, RYAN TECHER HAD ALREADY ARRIVED.

It was about a two hour drive from Scranton to Philly for Techer. At least he didn't have to worry about Merluzzi talking his ears off all the way.

Security guy: What are you doing here kid?

Ryan: I'm the play-by-play guy for the Stranglers.

Security guy: Only guy I got from the Stranglers is Merluzzi.

Techer: Well, he's kidnapped so... I'm his replacement.

Security guy: He got kidnapped?!?!

Techer: Oh gosh. I shouldn't have said that. Uh, no he umm... He got midcapped. It's a disease.

Security guard: Ok. Go in, then.

All the legends were there. From play-by-play, to color commentary, to sideline reporters. And he would be signing autographs!

Techer: This is wicked awesome, mate!

Joe Buck: Who in the world are you?

Techer: Does anybody listen to the Stranglers games? I'm Ryan Techer.

Google: Did you mean... Ricky Techer, from the Las Vegas MillionAir???

Ryan: What? No! Really? You guys know the play-by-play guy for a team named after an airplane, and not the one from the World Series winning Scranton Stranglers?!

Kevin Harlem: Oh, so you're Jack Merluzzi?

Techer: (Censored by The Man)

Mike Trico: Who are you?

Ryan: I'M RYAN MOTHER******* TECHER, YOU SONNUVA ****, MATE!!!!

Ryan: Hey, where did everyone go?

They were all huddled around DickyV.

Dick: Hey, you're Ryan Techer.

Techer: Finally, someone knows I exist.

Vitale: Yeah, you were at the All Star game. Go Rays, baby!

Techer: Ah, tough year mate.

After a while of signing autographs, Albert Pujols and Chris Carpenter stormed in with their ears bleeding, and Jack Merluzzi tied up, with many Scranton players keeping up with them stride for stride... Except Azul, he was tripping over his anklet.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Heh, liked the Google part.

Techer makes friends with Dick Vitale.

Prior gets a bionic shoulder.

Abreu you storms in and finds out the situation. Tries to punch Pujols and Carpenter. Trips and reveals himself. Captured as well...

Jack is back!!! Maybe...

Back At The Convention...

Chris Carpenter: Ahh! I can't take it anymore! He's so annoying!

Paul: As a peace offering you guys can have Jack Merluzzi.

Albert: NO! Never! It's starting to affect my family, man. I play wiffle ball with my sons and when I hit one across the street I say, "This one will stay in the yard." and my sons think I'm crazy!

Jack took his place at the convention signing his books, Troy Glouse: A Guide to Pronouncing Names and Jack Merluzzi: Man of The Hour, Every Hour. He could really care less about the fight because he thought they were fighting over him.

Azul: This means one thing... A fight to the death!

Raul: Gentlemen, violence is not the answer.

Chris: He's right. It is the question. TO WHICH THE ANSWER IS, YES!!! BRING IT ON!

Brent Musberger had the call: Ryan Howard matched up against Albert Pujols. Two of the best pound-for-pound players in the game. Ryan takes out a toy lightsaber.

Herbstreit: Questionable call here, Brent. What is he thinking?

Musberger: We shall soon find out. Pujols brings out a highlight reel of Jack Merluzzi's worst moments! And Howard is forced to submit!

Herbstreit: My ears are bleeding! This is like the time I saw Rebbecca Black in concert!

Musberger: Uh... Back to the action!

Carpenter: Come at me, Paul... I dare you.

Paul: *pulls out a pack of cigarettes* Want a smoke?

Musberger: He's gotta give into the peer pressure of death!

Carpenter: Athlete's foot.

McCartney: Oh, S***!

The Stranglers were down, but certainly not out.

Azul: Cardinales de chupar!

Pujols:El azul es mi color favorito como tercero!

Azul ran home crying.

That's when Sgt. Pepper came in.
Pepper: What the hell are you idiots doing? Kick their asses!

John: But coach, we can't.

Pepper: CAN'T?! Can't is not in my vocabulary! And it better not be in yours or else extreme pushups for everyone!

Mick: What are extreme pushups?

Pepper: Extreme pushups are 100 barefoot pushups on hot charcoal and 100 in an ice bath.
Prior: I'm gonna beat Pujols up!
Pujols: Bring it on!

Prior: AHH! My arm fell off!

Pepper: Extreme pushups, NOW!
Chris: How did you know we were in trouble, sir?

Pepper: I can sense you idiots being idiots a mile away! NOW CHARGE!

But once Pujols and Carpenter saw Pepper and his gang coming at them, they started doing extreme pushups.

Carpenter: We'll settle this in court.

Merluzzi: That's what she said.

Brian: That made no sense.

Pablo: You guys made him worse!

They had already left in an ambulance after their extreme pushups.

Ringo: Hey, weren't you the voice of Brent Mustangberger from Cars 2?

Brent: Is that all you recognise me from?

Ringo: I don't know, I don't know.

The End

Authors note: If you liked those two Jack Merluzzi books then you should definitely check out Powerin! Get! By Random Store Clerk.

BUT WHAT ABOUT ABREU!!!

Lance cheers both clients getting plot time.

Sgt. Pepper thinks he should've used Extreme Pushup threats long ago.

Azul wonders when he went back to an only-Spanish speaker.

Lance wonders what Azul and Albert bantered about.