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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 9:33 pm 
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SkittleMonster wrote:
detroittigers15 wrote:
Plus, Vicente has plenty of non-personal performance related things to overcome.

Like his erectile dysfunction?


I'd say he overcame that, if his wife seems to get pregnant every couple years. Although if he didn't... That would be an interesting plot twist.

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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 9:52 pm 
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Favorite Team: Phillies
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Consider my Stranglers log volunteered.

I'll start.

The team is too good. I'll be bumping the difficulty up once I get back to playing games.

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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:02 pm 
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I'll throw the Knights in as well.

I'm with dtigers, having a team that's too good is just meh. The Knights are too good, which gives me the strange thoughts of wanting to lose.

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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:06 pm 
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Powerprosfan31 wrote:
I'll throw the Knights in as well.

I'm with dtigers, having a team that's too good is just meh. The Knights are too good, which gives me the strange thoughts of wanting to lose.


I know the exact feel, bro.

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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:25 pm 
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Paul, your writing is great and you have a knack for humor, but I often find myself bothered by the formatting. I'm probably alone in thinking this, but it might be better if there weren't blank lines between each line of dialogue.

Other than that, your log is one of the best on the forum.

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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:36 pm 
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detroittigers15 wrote:
Paul, your writing is great and you have a knack for humor, but I often find myself bothered by the formatting. I'm probably alone in thinking this, but it might be better if there weren't blank lines between each line of dialogue.

Other than that, your log is one of the best on the forum.


One, thanks for the compliment. Two, I always thought it would be more jumbled up if I didn't include the blank spaces, but if others have the same problem I could easily change this.

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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:39 pm 
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I think the best way to do it would be to group dialogue together and create new lines for actions, like so:

dtigers: lol ur log sucks paul
Paul: oh
dtigers: yeah

Paul then left to cry in a corner

dtigers: i'm so awesome

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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:42 pm 
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Favorite Team: Dodgers
Console '07: Nintendo Wii
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Favorite Japanese title: (PS3) Jikkyou Powerful Pro Yakyuu 2011
I don't have an issue with the spacing.

However, it'd be nice if you could put the character names in all caps like most screenplays do it or in bold. I think it would look better.

Agreed with everything else JP said, though.

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Ham Bone wrote:
I know I'm very late but I just looked at you log (the one in your sig) and noticed one of the teams are the Ham Bones. Nice name. I like it.


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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:44 pm 
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What PG said is good too.

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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:47 pm 
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I'd like the two logs in my signature to be entered in here. Yes, even the dead one.

I really like this idea.

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Ham Bone wrote:
I know I'm very late but I just looked at you log (the one in your sig) and noticed one of the teams are the Ham Bones. Nice name. I like it.


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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:50 pm 
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I have a major gripe with your Aliens log, which is that it's dead.

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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:14 pm 
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Prediction wrote:


:picard:

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Ham Bone wrote:
I know I'm very late but I just looked at you log (the one in your sig) and noticed one of the teams are the Ham Bones. Nice name. I like it.


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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:17 pm 
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PowerPro Jr wrote:


I do what I can. :)


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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:22 pm 
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PPFan, I really don't understand Jack's story. It seems kinda pointless. At the beginning, it was neat. Showing how his career was ruined and all that was pretty cool, but you just kept going, and I'm not sure why. I would assume it was because everyone else loved it, but I could be wrong. The whole crime part was pretty random, and was probably just one big reference to Ace Attorney for all I know. And then you got to the part with Sara, and that seemed so similar to D-Tiger's log with Matt and all his women problems. It just seemed like you were postponing the games as long as you could by providing a ton back story for a character that was never the focus of the log.

Also, PPJ, your logs are amazing. You really prove that you don't need a huge story (or even much of a story at all). You just have to do the basics of a log perfectly, and you do that. I'd probably put your Slayers log next to ChiCubs Royals log as the best ones on the site. However, while your log is easily the more creative of the two, the fact that you're barely in June after almost two years hinders how great the log can be. To put that in perspective, you reached July in your Aliens log after just six months. Assuming you continue to do an in-depth update every game, I'm not sure you'll ever even reach the playoffs. One of the great things about the Royals log was seeing the team evolve from a cellar dweller to a World Series champion.

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PowerPro Jr wrote:
Zumikaku wrote:
...and a bag of Skittles having a conversation.
Are you saying it's wrong to talk to a bag of Skittles? Because if so, I'm going to need to rethink a lot of things. :P
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Powerprosfan31 wrote:
What do twelve year olds do with girlfriends?
Give them ringpops and let them cut up to their spot in line during lunch.
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 Post subject: Re: General Criticism Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:24 pm 
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shots = fired

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